I've been thinking

I know this one little statement sends hubby's stomach into knots. Mine too, when the role's reversed. But I've been thinking. I want my life to take on new meaning, to head into a different direction. I feel like my entire family lives on autopilot. I want to fully enjoy each and every day. To see the world with wonder and amazement that my kids do when they first discover something. I don't want to wake up with anxiety and dread.

I finished a book yesterday, The Lilypad List, about living simply. It is not a book with all the answers- in fact it doesn't have any answers, just questions. Some of the questions are how do you see your ideal life and what things make you happy. Some of the things that make me happy are spending quality time with my family and friends, swimming, hiking, generally just being in nature. I envision my ideal life as one more connected to the earth. Growing a good portion of the food that feeds my family. Greatly reducing the amount of stuff we have in our lives. Treating the environment and our planet with much more respect. Eliminating the blind consumerism. Doing things that I feel passionate about. Helping others.

This is in complete contrast to how we live now. We hop from one obligation to the next. I spend most of my waking hours doing work that I have no desire to do, coming home exhausted and stressed to deal with my children in the evening. We have slowly started reigning in the consumerism, but we still live in a house much bigger than we need and drive more than we should. I live in the suburbs of a major metropolis, in a very wealthy environment. The adults drive fancy cars and the kids have lavish birthday parties. None of this makes me happy. Ultimately, what makes me happy? Nature and people, not stuff.