Gone

I've often wondered what the other side of sanity would look like. I've walked the line between sane and insane before. I was fairly certain I'd know when I got to the other side. What I am finding out is that it is actually a fine line and stepping over it is not obvious.

Here is just a small sample of the things I have done lately. Saturday evening, I stopped at a red light like it was a stop sign and then started proceeding into the intersection. Fortunately, I slammed on the brakes when I realized what I was doing.

This morning, I showed up at my dentist's office for my appointment. It seemed like I had just been there, but hey, it was on my calendar. I signed in, sat down and alarms went off right when the receptionist was about to tell me I wasn't scheduled for that day. It then dawned on me that Dr. Teller is my dermatologist, not my dentist. Teller/Janik- one can see how I would get those confused.

Monday, I called for the gas meter to be installed. Again. First time the guy came out, and he made a list of all the reasons why we weren't ready. Something about lines not being installed yet. Second time, he put the meter on, and it started twirling around. Everything should have been capped off or connnected. Well, there was one line at the oven that was not capped. So, the plumber fixed all and I called again. Now the lady tells me we have to get an inspection first. She was not sure why the order went through the first two times. We can't move in until we get gas (i.e. heat and hot water). I cried. I threw things around in my office.

Did I mention that I ran my checkbook through the wash? You know- the one we're using for building the house and has the record of what we've paid to the subs.

Quite frankly, I am afraid I am a danger to myself and others. I find myself pulling incredibly stupid maneuvers in the car, flying off the handle at the slightest issue, and crying when something doesn't work out the way I think it should. And somebody help me if my husband doesn't do exactly what I want him to do. Like when the glass people installed a mirror in my powder room, even though they were not supposed to as I have a decorative mirror to hang there. I told him to make sure they remove it. He said it looked nice and we should just leave it. He got an earful of expletives and finally complied. Just for good measure, I left a nice message for the builder that was saturated with sarcasm. Even people at work are starting to fear me.

None of this is good for my health or the health of the baby and I have never had blood pressure issues until the last few weeks. Everyone is telling me to rest. Hah. I need to get away. Far, far away.